The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

beautygirl05 · May 29, 2009 10:00 PM

The purple dragon was up and was looking at the stars. He looked over to his step-brother Sparx and sighed. ‘I’ve never felt do alone…I lost Ignitus…the person I ever had closet’s to a father and now Cynder…My only true love. Why does this have to happen to me? I’ve lost every person who I always got close to.’ Spyro went to the pile of pillows on the floor and fell into deep slumber.
Spyro woke up to the sunlight shining in his eyes. He went over to the kitchen and grabbed a steak. He chewed on it. Frost came into the kitchen with Volt close behind. Volt looked at Spyro. His eyes were lifeless. The unique shine in his eyes were gone. Volt came up to Spyro and put a paw on his shoulder. “Spyro…I know what you’ve been going through. I know the pain you feel…but sooner or later you’re going to have to let it go. Don’t kill yourself being upset. We cannot choose someone’s fate Spyro…” Volt said trying to cheer up Spyro.
“I know Volt…Thanks for trying to cheer me up. I think I’m going to go for a stroll in the gardan.” Spyro said somberly.
Spyro was sitting in front of Cynder’s grave yard and sobbing. “Cynder…”Spyro sobbed. “Oh…Cyn-All of the sudden a mysterious dragon proofed next to Cynder’s grave yard. He had a clock over his black body. He had a hood over his head that put his face in blackness. His eyes were a piercing red color.
“You must really miss her…she is longing to see you…” The mysterious dragon said.
“Who are you?” Spyro said as he got up to his fighting stance.

~cornys~ · May 30, 2009 3:26 AM

It's ok but.. you need to fix somethings if you are going to get serious about writing...

Show more than you tell. (This is the hardest thing but the most important) Ex: (you wrote "Spyro woke up to the sunlight shining in his eyes. He went over to the kitchen and grabbed a steak. He chewed on it.")

Instead write: "Spyro woke-up; bright rays of light shone down into his eyes as he moved into the kitchen. He grabbed a peice of stake and sunk his teeth into it."

It takes longer but with some effort you will feel a whole lot better about your writing and you'll find yourself wondering if it was you who really wrote it.. lol

The only other thing I can think of to work on is a personal preferance... you put the events into too quick of a pace to absorbe what was going on.... fixing the other thing will definitly help that though so... this might not really be a problem at all... It's a preferance of mine anyhow.. some people like to read things real quick like that...

I know it looks like there is a lot wrong but really there isn't... The only tip I have is to take your time... try to work on showing and not telling and everything else should fall in place naturaly... With a little of help anybody can write pretty well if they try.. What you have is a great start by the way!

I'm going to stop rambling.. sorry... lol

beautygirl05 · May 30, 2009 4:11 PM

beautygirl05 · May 30, 2009 11:37 PM

“I’m Death…” The mysterious dragon said.
“D-d-d-d-de-de-death?” Spyro asked bug-eyed.
“Yes Spyro, Death…”
“What are you doing here? What do you want?”
“What am I doing here? The real question is what are you doing here killing yourself over someone you can never have back?”
“I just really miss her and I really love Cynder…” Spyro said lowering his head. Tears rolled down his muzzle and onto the cold soft grass beneath him.
“Do you want her back?”
“Yes…yes I do….”
“I can bring her back…”
“Really you can?! Can you please? I really want to hold Cynder in my arms again…”
“You can have her back….but…” Death paused and looked at Spyro “You have to pay me back somehow…”
“How?”
“I have something in mind….”
“What?! I’ll do anything…”
“I will revive her but, when you have your first child, he or she will be mine….even if he or she is the next purple dragon. Don’t tell anyone this, you can tell this to Cynder, but I would recommend not to….Just tell them you gave your dark side to me to get Cynder back.”
“But…”
“If you won’t give me your child I won’t revive Cynder…”
“ok…then....meet me here tomorrow right after everyone goes to sleep…” Death waved his cloak and then disappeared. ‘Should I trust death? Should I give up my first child just to have Cynder back? What am I saying, just to have Cynder back I love her! Maybe he’ll forget…it’s going to be years before Cynder and I could have our first child.’ Spyro thought as he walked to his room.

beautygirl05 · May 31, 2009 2:20 AM

Spyro opened his eyes listening for any sign of movement or sounds of anyone awake. He heard a couple of footsteps walk past his door. The footsteps walked on further and further to a different room. He slowly got up. His step-brother Sparx was sound asleep. Spyro took some cautious steps towards his balcony. He spread his wings and flew towards Cynder’s grave yard. ‘Will Death actually bring Cynder back? Should I really trust him?’ Spyro thought “To get Cynder back…I am going to trust Death…’ Spyro arrived at Cynder’s grave yard. Her lifeless body lay on the ground next to Death. Spyro landed next to Death
“Good…you have arrived…” Death said as he looked towards Spyro. Death closed his eyes and began saying a reviving spell. As he said the words a golden light started to surround Cynder. The light swallowed her up and lifted her in to the air. Spyro was excited and scared to see his beloved. The golden light spun around her faster and fast and faster and faster. Then it came to a stop. The golden light set her down and disappeared. Death said the last words of the spell and slowly disappeared. “Remember what I said Spyro…”
Spyro ran towards Cynder and held her in his arms. Cynder slowly opened her eyelids and looked at Spyro. “Spyro... Are you dead too?”
“No. Silly!” Spyro said as he nudged her playfully. He told her the whole story with Death.
“Spyro…” Cynder said with tears streaming down her cheeks. “are you telling me we’re going to have to give up our child.” She broke their hug they were in.
“Well…that’s what he said….but it’s going to be years before we have our child…so he’ll probably forget…..” Spyro said as he looked towards the ground.
“What if he doesn’t Spyro? What will happen then?!” Cynder said with a hint of anger in her voice.
“Well defend him or her. We fought the dark master 2 times and killed him 2 times.” Spyro said in shame.
“Then I suppose your right about that. We will fight him off.” Cynder said calming down.
“Don’t tell anyone about this not even Sparx! If anyone ask I’ll say that Death made a deal with me to get you back, and the deal would be that I’d have to give him my dark side to him to get you back. Ok?”
“Ok. Did you make that up?”
“No…Death told me to say it…”
“Ok…let’s head back. It’s almost dawn…”
“Ok.” Spyro and Cynder walked towards the entrance to the Dragon City. They walked cautiously so they would wake no one up. They arrived at the door of Spyro’s room and carefully walked in. Sparx was sound asleep and snoring very loudly. Spyro and Cynder walked to the pile of pillows and laid down cuddling with each other and fell asleep.
-----------------------------
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH” Spyro and Cynder jolted up to the sudden noise to see Sparx screaming. “Cynder’s ghost is here to haunt me! AAAAAAAHHHH”
“Sparx settle down!” Spyro said as he walked towards the golden dragonfly. He told the story to Sparx about Death coming and making a deal with him to get Cynder back. Sparx calmed down and breathed heavily. The three of them went to the kitchen to see all the young dragons eating. When they came in they all turned their heads towards them and they all gasped.
“Cynder’s ghost is here to haunt us!” Scamper screamed. All the other dragons panicked and ran around in circles screaming.
“SETTLE DOWN” A deep voice said. All the young dragons freezed. “Now what is going on?” Terrador said and his eyes fell on Cynder. “Oh…no…Spyro…Cynder come with me please…” Spyro and Cynder looked towards each other and followed Terrador.

Spyro&Cynder4ever · May 31, 2009 2:39 PM

this is really good! I can't wait to read the next chapter!

Spyro&Cynder4ever · Jun 03, 2009 5:23 PM

Hey, I just realized, u revived Cynder... Yay! I guess i was so in to the story that I didn't even realize what could happen in the future with Spyro and Cynder... wow. yeah.. um keep up the good work... like I said, I can't wait to read the next chapter.

beautygirl05 · Jun 05, 2009 4:25 AM

“Spyro…What have you done?!” Terrador asked “What did Death say? What was the deal?!”
“Spyro looked at him traumatized. “How do you know about Death?.”
“That does not matter right know! Now answer my question…”
Spyro looked at Cynder and then turned back to Terrador. “He magically appeared next to Cynder’s grave and told me that I could have Cynder back, but I had to make a deal with him and deal was that I had to give my dark side to him just to get Cynder back.” Spyro lied. ‘It is partially true…He did magically appear next to Cynder’s grave yard…’ Spyro thought to himself.
“Are you sure young dragon?” Terrador stared at Spyro hard.
Spyro looked at Cynder. It hurt to lie to him. “Yes” Spyro crocked
“Ok, come with me…”Terrador lead them back to the kitchen. The young dragons looked at Terrador, then Spyro, and finally Cynder. They all held in a panicked scream. Terrador explained the situation to them about Cynder coming back and they all calmed down. Spyro and Cynder grabbed a steak. They walked towards the table and sat down. Ember was next to Cynder and was trembling.
“Ember, its ok…” Cynder said trying to calm her down. “Pretend I never died…”
“Ok…” Ember said. They all ate their meal in silence.
------------------------
Two days later, everyone was used to Cynder now and was back to their old routine.

Sunlight shone on Cynder’s closed eyes. Her eyes slowly opened and looked outside at the beautiful landform in front of her. Hills after hills, forests of to the sides, and finally mountain outlines of in the distant. She stared in aw until she heard a soft yawn behind her. Sparx was up and awake. “Good Morning Sparx.” Cynder said in a small giggle. “Have a good night?”
“Good morin’….and yeah my night was ok…” Sparx replied as he stretched.
__________________________
well here's the next part, I know it's short but I'll do the rest later! I 'm going of to bed, i'm worn out...

Spyro&Cynder4ever · Jun 07, 2009 6:25 PM

Aright! This is great! I can't wait for the next part...

beautygirl05 · Jun 19, 2009 4:03 AM

Cynder looked towards the beautiful view again while Sparx buzzed off to the kitchen to get some food. She looked towards Spyro and sighed. ‘Was I actually worth it Spyro? Do you really think we can fight death off to protect our child?’ Cynder thought to herself. She went back to Spyro and laid down. She rest her head on his shoulder. Spyro slowly opened his eyes and saw Cynder’s head on his shoulder. “Good morning Cynder…” Spyro said as he yawned.
“Good morning…How was your night?”
“Good and you?”
“Great…It feels great to sleep next to you again…” Spyro smiled and nudged her. “Do you wanna go grab some food?”
“Sure…” Spyro got up and stretchered. He helped Cynder up and walked towards the kitchen with her. They both arrived and saw Sparx stuff a whole grape in his mouth. Spyro and Cynder both let out a small chuckle. They both grabbed a steak and walked towards the table. They sat down and sunk their teeth into the steak.

A few years later….
Spyro and Cynder were waiting for their first child and they were very anxious.
“When do you think it’s going to hatch?” Cynder asked as she softly picked the egg up.
“Hopefully soon, Cynder” Spyro replied. They had completely forgot about Death and the deal they had made about their first child. Spyro playfully nudged Cynder and took the egg from her. “What should we name our child,”
“Well, I was thinking if our child is a girl then we could name her Diamond…” Cynder replied back as she gave Spyro a warm smile.
“Ok...” Spyro returned the smile and continued to talk. “I was wondering if we have a boy then we could name him Draco.”
“Ok.” Cynder kissed Spyro on the cheek and set the egg back down on his soft pillow in front of the couples bed. “Let’s go to bed now.” The two dragons got up laid down on the pile of pillows and cuddled with each other and fell asleep.

beautygirl05 · Jul 01, 2009 2:34 AM

Far away from where Cynder and Spyro were sleeping a mysterious dragon wearing a cloak was looking at the egg and the two dragons in an orb. “Soon…I will have an apprentice.” He said as the orb slowly clouded up.
---------
“Spyro! Spyro! The egg! It’s shaking! It’s going to hatch!” Cynder yelped excitedly.
“I know! I can’t wait to see our child!” Spyro replied excitedly. The egg slowly started to hatch. A little part of it broke off and a little black head popped out of the egg. It had horns like Spyro but emerald eyes like Cynder. The little dragon also had the same markings on it’s head like Cynder. The hatchling climbed out of the egg. It had golden belly scales just like her father. It’s tail blade was exactly like her mother’s and same goes for the blades on it’s wings but. It was a golden color. Cynder slowly picked it up and looked at it.
“Spyro, now we have a child that we can call ours.” Spyro slowly took the hatchling.
“It’s a girl! I guess her name is Diamond!”
“Yeah! Well, I guess your name is Diamond” Cynder said as she slowly nudged Diamond. “Let’s go to the temple and show the others!” Cynder said.
“Ok.”
“But one thing…”
“What?”
“I get to carry the child.” Cynder took the child and flew off towards the temple with Spyro. They arrived at the temple and looked for the old dragon Terrador. They finally found him in a room looking at a book.
“Terrador!” Spyro exclaimed!
“Huh? Wha? Spyro? Is that you? My you have grown quite a lot since the last time I saw you. Oh…Cynder…My you to…What has brought you here?” Terrador replied back as he eyed them.
“We have big news!” Cynder said as she slowly unwrapped her arms. “We have a child!”
“Oh my! That’s great news! We have to through a party for you and you young hatchling! What’s it’s name?”
“Her name is Diamond…”
“A very beautiful name. Now to plan that party.”
A few hours later all the dragons came together and threw a small party for Spyro and Cynder’s new baby. “Wow…She’s so cute!” Scamper said as he looked at Diamond.
“I know! I can’t wait to have my child!” Gia said as she also looked at it.
“What did you name her?” Frost and Ember asked.
“Diamond….” Spyro replied.
“Aww what a cute name! Isn’t it Flame?”
“Oh yes!” Flame said as he smiled.
“I can’t belive that you had a baby!” Aura said.
“I know!” Shadow said
“Congrats buddy!” Volt said as he put a paw on Spyro’s shoulder.
“Oooooh….she’s so cute!” Frost said as she made little baby noises. All the dragons chuckled.
“Thanks Fr- A dragon covered in a black cloak poofed in front of them which made all the dragons gasp.
“Your little baby is mine…” The mysterious dragon said.
“Who are you to take that baby!” Volt said as he stepped in front of Spyro, Cynder, and Diamond.
“Spyro…Remember me?”
“Death!!”
“Yes…and remember the deal we made?”
“What deal?” Frost asked as she nervously
“Tell them Spyro!” Spyro hung his head and a tear dropped down his cheek

beautygirl05 · Jul 04, 2009 2:59 AM

Spyro looked up as tears rolled down his cheeks. “I….I…I…I made a deal with Death. I promised him my first child to have Cynder back….” Everyone gasped. Cynder was very confused. Then a memory flooded back about how Spyro told her about the deal years ago. Cynder looked up at Spyro with tears in her eyes, she slowly rubbed them away and looked at Diamond. She was about to say something but Aura blurted something out.
“You’ll have to fight if ever want their child!” Aura said.
“You dragons may have killed Malefor…but you can never kill death….”
All of the dragons got up to their fighting stance. Aura and Shadow roared and jumped up releasing deadly dark lighting bolts. Death got hit on the shoulder ripping part of his cloak. The open wound healed in a mater of seconds. Frost charged up an ice missile and shot it at Death. Frost’s ice missile froze him in place. Volt charged up an Volt charged up an lighing bolt and shot it at his head. It hit Death and ripped of his cloak which revealed a black dragon with horns exactly like Cynder’s. His right eye was blood red and his left eye had a huge scar going down it that ended at the bottom of his cheek. He looked at Volt and sneered at him.
“You’re gonna pay for that…” He snickered out. He started to say something. As he was saying the words a shadow hand developed in front of Volt. The hand picked him up and threw him across the room. He hit the stone wall and landed face first in to the ground.
“Volt!” Frost screamed out as she ran to his side. Gia charged up and earth missile and shot it at Death, which broke the ice. Scamper took flight. He went above Death and made spikes come out of the ground locking Death in a cage. Death looked up at him and smiled deviously towards him. He disappeared and reappeared out of the spiked ‘prison’. He disappeared again and reappeared in front of Spyro and Cynder. He took Diamond out of Cynder’s hand.
“You’ll never stop me now!” He then disappeared.
____________________
Well….this is the next ch….enjoy! smile

#1 May 29, 2009 10:00 PM

The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

#2 May 30, 2009 3:26 AM

Re: The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

#3 May 30, 2009 4:11 PM

Re: The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

#4 May 30, 2009 11:37 PM

Re: The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

#5 May 31, 2009 2:20 AM

Re: The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

#6 May 31, 2009 2:39 PM

Re: The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

#7 Jun 03, 2009 5:23 PM

Re: The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

#8 Jun 05, 2009 4:25 AM

Re: The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

#9 Jun 07, 2009 6:25 PM

Re: The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

#10 Jun 19, 2009 4:03 AM

Re: The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

#11 Jul 01, 2009 2:34 AM

Re: The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

#12 Jul 04, 2009 2:59 AM

Re: The Legend of Spyro: Age of "Peace" part 2

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