The Dawn Of A New Age: a Cynder story

the dark dragoness queen · Dec 06, 2009 3:24 PM

PROLOGUE: Life was peaceful in the Dragon Realms,no harm came to anyone and no one was plotting evil things. but that all changed one day when Ignitus had a strange vision while looking in the Pool of Visions.

''I dont understand what it means,Terrador'' ''Perhaps its a warning that something will happen'' ''If that is the matter we must inform the other guardians to keep their eyes open'' ''It is best we keep this from Spyro and Cynder'' MEANWHILE ''*Yawn*'' Spyro woke up from sleep ''Uh oh its that time already? I gotta get to training'' Spyro dashed off to training MEANWHILE (again) Cynder is asleep,Spyro knocks her door''Cynder wake up its time for training'' Cynder wakes up''Aww man late again?'' Cynder and Spyro start dashing to training before Cyril gives them a lecture about being on time (AT TRAINING) ''now Spyro,Cynder we will now practice a new move: Snake Attack, here is a demonstration'' Cyril performs the move Snake Attack on five training dummies at once. ''now Spyro you try'' Spyro tries the Snake Attack succesfully ''Cynder,your turn'' Cynder performs the Snake Attack better than Spyro ''Excellent Cynder! you are both dismissed.

end of chap 1

Aceedwin · Dec 06, 2009 4:03 PM

Critiquing time, methinks.

So what's paragraphing again? Come on deary, see if you can write English? Dismissed is spelt like that, all names have capital letters, commas and full stops help structure a sentence, and prologue is spelt like that.

Also, "no one was plotting evil things"? Is evil-thing-plotting a regular occurance? I can't tell whether it's any good yet, but grammar and spelling are certainly not up to scratch.

the dark dragoness queen · Dec 06, 2009 5:45 PM

shut up this is my fanfic and u get off it cuz im not allowing anyone else to write in this topic

Rurikredwolf · Dec 06, 2009 6:18 PM

Hmm...looks like someone can't accept critisism. You won't survive in life like that. He's trying to HELP you. Clearly you are too stubborn to care. Or immature.

Nightfall · Dec 06, 2009 6:27 PM

Aceedwin was trying to help you improve it. And he's right. You should take criticism to heart so you can improve the story. That's what it's for, and it's not like he said it nastily.

As for the story, seems OK, but grammar needs work.

the dark dragoness queen · Dec 06, 2009 8:40 PM

ok then srry aceedwin

Aceedwin · Dec 06, 2009 9:40 PM

It's fine. At least you can learn to accept it. That puts you above average around here, depressing as that is.

the dark dragoness queen · Dec 08, 2009 12:01 PM

CHAPTER 2
The Attack

The inhabitants of the temple were asleep,but someone was outside planning a raid..''Group One,you attack the guardians and keep them occupied,Group Two attack the purple dragon,Group Three your coming to get the black dragoness if any of you fail i will have you murdered!''

Group One leader:'attack the dragons!!' the guardians are awoken and start fighting 'Terrador! make sure Spyro and Cynder are safe!'' Ignitus used his fire fury. more soldiers came in,Cyril froze some of them and went in for a melee attack,Volteer used his electricity to throw some soldiers around the room.

Group Two
The soldiers out numbered Spyro,but Spyro had the soldiers right where he wanted them,Spyro used his earth breath to trap the soldiers in vines and burned the soldiers.The soldiers died but two mounted soldiers came in and those ghost soldiers that have two lives and it became harder for Spyro.One of the mounted soldiers was about to attack,but Terrador jumped in and blocked the attack''Thanks Terrador.'' ''Spyro we must stop these soldiers and get to Cynder.'' ''why?'' ''the person behind this wants to kidnap her'' 'we have to hurry then'' Spyro used his earth fury and killed the soldiers, he and Terrador began to run towards Cynder's room.''Let go of me!'' inside Cynder's room a gigantic dragon had a grip on Cynder''No my dear, we must go now'' ''Oh no you wont'' Spyro went in for a melee attack but was knocked to the ground,Terrador tried to attack as well but failed and was also knocked to the ground. ''sorry but we must fly!'' ''LET ME GO!!'' the gigantic dragon flew away with Cynder
end of chapter two

the dark dragoness queen · Dec 09, 2009 6:56 PM

CHAPTER THREE
Captured

Cynder awoke in a steel cell with a bed and a bucket of water.'where am I?' 'your in the Citadel' 'who are you?' Cynder snarled. 'i am the next dark master' 'what do you want with me then?' 'im here to take you back..' The Dark Master clapped his claws and Cynder was automaticly chained.He opened the cell'now this wont hurt a bit' he started draining Cynder's alliance with the good side and started filling her with hatred and evil.
Her eyes turned yellow and her figure was getting bigger.When the process was done Cynder was her evil form again. 'welcome back to the dark side Cynder' 'yes master' He gave Cynder a neck shackle 'put it on your neck it will help you rom spewing flames'. She put it on her neck 'now Cynder for your first task: give a warning to the temple that my evil has risen' 'yes master' Cynder flew out to the temple and knocked down a wall with her tail.Ignitus and Spyro hurried out to see wat the noise was 'oh no, not again' Spyro said
end of chapter three

#1 Dec 06, 2009 3:24 PM

The Dawn Of A New Age: a Cynder story

#2 Dec 06, 2009 4:03 PM

Re: The Dawn Of A New Age: a Cynder story

#3 Dec 06, 2009 5:45 PM

Re: The Dawn Of A New Age: a Cynder story

#4 Dec 06, 2009 6:18 PM

Re: The Dawn Of A New Age: a Cynder story

#5 Dec 06, 2009 6:27 PM

Re: The Dawn Of A New Age: a Cynder story

#6 Dec 06, 2009 8:40 PM

Re: The Dawn Of A New Age: a Cynder story

#7 Dec 06, 2009 9:40 PM

Re: The Dawn Of A New Age: a Cynder story

#8 Dec 08, 2009 12:01 PM

Re: The Dawn Of A New Age: a Cynder story

#9 Dec 09, 2009 6:56 PM

Re: The Dawn Of A New Age: a Cynder story

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