#1 Feb 06, 2010 12:45 PM

the dark dragoness queen

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From: at the cherryfalls of ice crea

Registered: Aug 19, 2009

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Renee:Her Story

Chapter One:Existence Wasn't That Good Anymore
''Another child? I didnt ask for one.'' ''Neither did I. I dont want this child.'' ''We must take care of it. Or we'll get a bad reputation of parents.'' ''Fine.'' These were the words of my parents, Niaya and Magmar. I had just been born, they didn't seem to enjoy my birth. They only took care of me to not have been looked down upon by others. ''What should we do with her?'' ''Lets just name it Renee and get rid of it when she's ten.'' They put me in a cardboard box with one very small hole poked through and flew off to our home. When we landed i saw a younger male dragon. ''Is it a girl or boy?'' ''Girl. She's called Renee'' I giggled at my brother, who's name is Flamer. ''Yuck, little sister?'' ''live with it Flamer.''
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end of chapter one.

Nightfall

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From: Lofty Castle

Registered: Nov 28, 2007

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Birthday: 26 August

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Re: Renee:Her Story

Hmm... Looks OK, but it's really hard to read. Try starting a new paragraph each time someone new speaks, hm? That'll improve it greatly.

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Avatar by Phoenix_Flyer

spyroandcynder4ever

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From: In the Jedi Temple improving m

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Re: Renee:Her Story

I think it's ok, but like Saphira said, start a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks. But overall it's a good start.

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If you think that you can't do something, don't give up! Have confidence in yourself and things will become easier in the future.

the dark dragoness queen

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From: at the cherryfalls of ice crea

Registered: Aug 19, 2009

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Re: Renee:Her Story

in reply to your signature: so true!

cynderfan

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From: WHY ARE YOU READING MY LOCATIO

Registered: Nov 21, 2007

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Re: Renee:Her Story

Just like when I made my first few stories
1. Short
2. Hard to read

Keep on doing your best!