Under Chains

cooldude22345 · Nov 19, 2009 6:15 AM

WELLLLLL, I decided to write some more fanfiction. I dunno if I'm gonna put this on fanfiction.net, most likely I will. Please critisize the crap out of anything you feel isn't right, or anything you think is out of place. I hate lies. You think, "Oh, I'm incredible!" when you're really best off working at a McDonalds for a living. No offense if this applies to you. Just don't tell me if it does, cause I'll laugh. HAHA.

Oh, right. Don't read if you're under 13. Or if you can't handle violent themes.

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Get back here, little punk!” The crack of a whip echoed loud and far throughout the valley of avalar, followed by an outburst of shouts and cries.

Cynder ducked underneath a low hanging branch, heaving air in and out of her lungs deeply in exhaustion from running for so long. It had been a brave hearted thing she had done; though, now in her time of desperation, she wondered whether or not she had done the right thing to begin with. Her muscles stiffened as a large, rat-like creature stepped on the many dead leaves littered around the forest. His rasping breath wavered with anxiety, and he played the whip in front of him with malice.

“Look around the river! She couldn’t have gone far.” Cynder shivered as three more of the rat like creatures ran off in different directions, kicking up leaves and dirt in their haste. The one holding the whip sneered, looking at the whip in his hand. Blood stained the wooden handle, turning the once golden wood into a horrid mess of dark red. “Don’t leave a single stone unturned!” Fresh blood shone on the tip of the long whip, which brought nothing but joy to the creature’s heart.

Indeed, that very whip had shed blood that day. Cynder winced at the horrible burning pains all over her back, but through an act of pure will she managed to hold herself together. She couldn’t have ever imagined herself being in a situation like this. If she were to be returned to the slave camps, there would surely be more in store for her than a lashing. Much, much more.

“I can smell you there…” He rasped through deep breaths.

Cynder nearly gasped in surprise. Jeice, the one hunting down Cynder, had a rage like no other. Many times before she had felt the power of his fury at the hands of his whip, and on more than one occasion he had laced it with poison ivy. The meek could never survive under his iron fist; these were usually regular dragons kidnapped from a peaceful life and abruptly hurled into slavery. Cynder was only lucky to have been born into this cruel business, or else she never would have survived.

“Your fear… It can’t be missed… It makes you stick out like a sore thumb!” Jeice swung his long tail around and smashed it onto a nearby bush with a terrifying force. Had anybody been under there, they would have had no chance of surviving.

Cynder’s heart pounded erratically. Surely this had to be a bluff! She braced herself to escape as he turned to face the branches she was hiding under. She could hear his loud, wavering breaths as he moved closer to the branches. She could detect a change in the way he stood, hunching his back and cackling madly. The wide, crooked smile forming upon his hideous features, barely visible underneath the moonlight. He laughed and turned around, walking in the opposite direction with his whip in hand.

“Come on! Let’s check the feline’s village!” Jeice called out as he disappeared behind the thick trees. Cynder felt a thousand pounds lift off her shoulders, and took a deep breath. Her troubles were not over yet; now she had no idea where to go, and the cuts on her back bled profusely. She had no choice but to wash out her wounds in the nearby waterfall.

Slowly and painfully she arose from behind the branches, keeping her head low and listening for any signs of Jeice and his men. When the coast seemed clear, she sprinted off in the opposite direction that Jeice had left from.

“He’s going to find me,” She whispered to herself as she crashed through thick layers of flora, ducking underneath thick branches and jumping over thorn bushes, “He’s gonna find me, and whip me to death.” She motivated herself to further want freedom, reminding herself about the punishment that was in store for her if she were to be captured. Slowly the roaring waterfall came into view, and as she came to a stop at the water’s edge she couldn’t help but feel a bit amazed. Never before in her life had she been allowed outside of the slave camps, except only when she was sent to gather the local crops. But even then she had to be escorted by a group of her slaveholder’s employees.

She looked down into the water, and saw the reflection of herself caused by the moon’s dim light. A large cut ran along the side of her neck, followed by smaller and deeper ones running along her legs. There was a tear in the membrane of her wing, and sides were stained with blood. She felt an urgent need to cry, to pity herself for the lifestyle she had been born into.

“No,” She said to nobody as she walked into the deeper end of the waterfall’s lake, shivering at the icy cold that overtook her body, “I can’t. I can’t show weakness.” It pained her to rub the cold water into her wounds, but she tried as best as she could not to cry out in pain.

She heard a leaf crunch behind her, and she turned with apprehension to face the intruder. The air was completely still as she stood facing one of Jeice’s men, who stared at Cynder with a vengeful look on its narrow face. She could see it take a step back, and reach into the pocket strapped to his waist to pull out a small dagger. It’s tail waved behind it, as if engulfed in excitement. There was so much tension that neither of the two dared to make a move, as if doing so would kill them. Then, it all happened in a flash.

The rat threw the dagger at Cynder, who gasped and ducked just as it was about to hit her head. As soon as she regained her senses, it was upon her, clawing at her face and kicking her in a wild fury. Water was splashed everywhere, and in a matter of seconds the rat’s fur was soaking wet. Cynder grunted out of pain and attempted to shake him off, standing on her hind legs and falling backwards. She fell on top of it with a cry, and quickly flipped over to deliver a painful strike. She raked her claws against it’s face, tearing its ears into ribbons and itsnose apart. The defeated creature stood there dazed, unable to process what had just happened, when Cynder delivered a fatal blow to the side of the head.

Silence. Cynder still trembled from the whole ordeal, and with a shuddering sigh she examined the body of her enemy. It’s chest rose and fell as it took strained breath, and it’s face was painted red with it’s own blood. Cynder shook her head, turned tail and ran.

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Start the flames, critisizm, bashing, yo mama jokes, ect...

cooldude22345 · Nov 19, 2009 6:40 AM

I GUESS I should explain the plot while I'm at it.

This has nothing to do with TloS plotline, mainly because it sucked and I didn't like it. It takes place in an alternate timeline, one in which Cynder is a slave and Spyro... Well, you'll find out soon enough.

She is being hunted because she escaped from the slave camps, in order to be free. But if she's caught, she could be killed.

And that's pretty much the first chapter. In a little while I'll upload another, 'kay?

cooldude22345 · Jan 02, 2010 3:13 AM

cooldude22345 · Mar 28, 2010 10:18 PM

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Naow plz

The Mad Thatter · Jun 20, 2010 12:14 PM

You're very good at writing, I haven't seen any mistakes. Keep going smile . It's good.

spyroandcynder4ever · Jun 20, 2010 3:21 PM

It's flawless, i like it.

cooldude22345 · Jun 21, 2010 5:12 AM

If you want to read more, you gotta look it up on FF.net. My username is Teh Cool One.

I'm done writing on this website cause hardly anyone has ever heard of constructive criticism.

#1 Nov 19, 2009 6:15 AM

Under Chains

#2 Nov 19, 2009 6:40 AM

Re: Under Chains

#3 Jan 02, 2010 3:13 AM

Re: Under Chains

#4 Mar 28, 2010 10:18 PM

Re: Under Chains

#5 Jun 20, 2010 12:14 PM

Re: Under Chains

#6 Jun 20, 2010 3:21 PM

Re: Under Chains

#7 Jun 21, 2010 5:12 AM

Re: Under Chains

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