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#1 Mar 18, 2009 6:49 PM
- EloraRocksCynderSucks
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- From: Where I rant on Cynder and TLo
- Registered: Mar 16, 2009
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The Legend of Elora: Uprising (A Spyro RPG)
Holy hand grenade, this is massive, so it's all behind the spoiler tag.
Cynder: OK, Elora, you win!
EloraRocksCynderSucks: For all your ETD needs
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#2 Mar 18, 2009 7:09 PM
- Kjakings
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- Registered: Aug 03, 2008
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Re: The Legend of Elora: Uprising (A Spyro RPG)
This seems more like an FF than an RP, maybe you want to ask for it to be changed sections?
There are several things wrong with that, if you don't mind me saying so.
First off, I recommend you get a spell-check to check your spelling and grammar, try typing it out in Microsoft Word beforehand.
Also, Elora is a faun, they don't have elemental powers and somehow I doubt that a snail rider that took down the purple dragon is going to simply be defeated by a faun.
You seem to be making Elora into what is known as a Mary-Sue: A character who is perfect/all powerful/totally perfect in every way, they're generally frowned upon.
Hunter and Ignitus' rolls were confusing, they appeared just magically out of nowhere to do what you need and then magically disappear, try to make them more clear and defined.
Also, try not to take lines specifically from the games, and it appears you stole the name from my RP, simply exchanging 'Spyro' for 'Elora', this probably isn't the case, but try checking.
[URL=http://Kjakings.dragonadopters.com/dragon_10367][/URL]
[URL=http://www.dragcave.net/user/Kjakings][/URL]
My avatar is custom,no stealie.
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#3 Mar 19, 2009 4:53 PM
- EloraRocksCynderSucks
- Member
- From: Where I rant on Cynder and TLo
- Registered: Mar 16, 2009
- Posts: 81
- Gems: 0
Re: The Legend of Elora: Uprising (A Spyro RPG)
This seems more like an FF than an RP, maybe you want to ask for it to be changed sections?
There are several things wrong with that, if you don't mind me saying so.
First off, I recommend you get a spell-check to check your spelling and grammar, try typing it out in Microsoft Word beforehand.
Also, Elora is a faun, they don't have elemental powers and somehow I doubt that a snail rider that took down the purple dragon is going to simply be defeated by a faun.
You seem to be making Elora into what is known as a Mary-Sue: A character who is perfect/all powerful/totally perfect in every way, they're generally frowned upon.
Hunter and Ignitus' rolls were confusing, they appeared just magically out of nowhere to do what you need and then magically disappear, try to make them more clear and defined.
Also, try not to take lines specifically from the games, and it appears you stole the name from my RP, simply exchanging 'Spyro' for 'Elora', this probably isn't the case, but try checking.
First off, it's life that you get wrong spelling/grammar sometimes. I don't even have Microsoft Word.
Elora is a rare type of faun that can harness all the elements that can be harnessed by a black dragon with knives on every joint, and it's tail, which has about 100 sharp horns on her head. (AKA: cynder)
What, frowned upon? Ember's what you call Elora and some people don't frown upon her...
I used them to just 'magically' appear out of nowhere and dissapeared completly, so no complaints.
Capping it off with this: It's not completly like Spyro: ANB, as the breaths and opening are completly diffrerent. Did you notice that Spyro got fire, but Elora got poison?
I used 'Uprising' because it was really good for a name of a legendary faun's adventure. I mean, Uprising means beginning, as on the cover LoS: ANB...
Cynder: OK, Elora, you win!
EloraRocksCynderSucks: For all your ETD needs
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#4 Mar 19, 2009 7:16 PM
- Blaze the Dragon
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- Registered: Nov 24, 2007
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Re: The Legend of Elora: Uprising (A Spyro RPG)
You could easily have used Emergence.
I have to agree with Kjakings however. Fauns in the games generally don't have any powers, aside from incredible wit.
You also made Spyro to be... weak. Being eaten and then trapped? A faun saving a dragon? Not very realistic, even as far as the Spyro games go.
Mary-Sue's are generally overhyped characters that are absolutely perfect, with pretty much no flaws. In the original Spyro games (AHT, SL) Spyro was overconfident. In TLoS, Spyro was somewhat naive. In your story, Elora has pretty much no flaws.
And when a character makes an entrance, it's usually believed that they'll have some established role.
Once again... it's still too similar. The same lines, and then a magical power appears? And as I said, Spyro isn't exactly defenseless.
To sum everything up... this story is a mockery of prose.
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#5 Mar 20, 2009 5:08 PM
- Kjakings
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- Registered: Aug 03, 2008
- Posts: 125
- Gems: 0
Re: The Legend of Elora: Uprising (A Spyro RPG)
Kjakings wrote:This seems more like an FF than an RP, maybe you want to ask for it to be changed sections?
There are several things wrong with that, if you don't mind me saying so.
First off, I recommend you get a spell-check to check your spelling and grammar, try typing it out in Microsoft Word beforehand.
Also, Elora is a faun, they don't have elemental powers and somehow I doubt that a snail rider that took down the purple dragon is going to simply be defeated by a faun.
You seem to be making Elora into what is known as a Mary-Sue: A character who is perfect/all powerful/totally perfect in every way, they're generally frowned upon.
Hunter and Ignitus' rolls were confusing, they appeared just magically out of nowhere to do what you need and then magically disappear, try to make them more clear and defined.
Also, try not to take lines specifically from the games, and it appears you stole the name from my RP, simply exchanging 'Spyro' for 'Elora', this probably isn't the case, but try checking.
First off, it's life that you get wrong spelling/grammar sometimes. I don't even have Microsoft Word.
Elora is a rare type of faun that can harness all the elements that can be harnessed by a black dragon with knives on every joint, and it's tail, which has about 100 sharp horns on her head. (AKA: cynder)
What, frowned upon? Ember's what you call Elora and some people don't frown upon her...
I used them to just 'magically' appear out of nowhere and dissapeared completly, so no complaints.
Capping it off with this: It's not completly like Spyro: ANB, as the breaths and opening are completly diffrerent. Did you notice that Spyro got fire, but Elora got poison?
I used 'Uprising' because it was really good for a name of a legendary faun's adventure. I mean, Uprising means beginning, as on the cover LoS: ANB...
Wow... no Word? Seriously, go out and buy it.
Cynder is not a 'black' dragon, she has been transformed by the darkness to what she is, a wind dragon is the general consensus for what she would've turned out as had she not been captured by Malefor.
Yes, but most do. There are those that are totally fanatical that ignore flaws despite what others tell them, it appears you are one of these over Elora.
Yes, that IS exactly what I said just worded slightly differently. Well done.
... You've gotta be kidding me. Seriously, it's still plagerism of the opening of ANB, if you don't know what that means go look it up on wikipedia.
[URL=http://Kjakings.dragonadopters.com/dragon_10367][/URL]
[URL=http://www.dragcave.net/user/Kjakings][/URL]
My avatar is custom,no stealie.
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